Why Motherhood Feels Like an Identity Crisis | Matrescence

Markella Kaplani
Aug 17
2 min read

The Identity Shift No One Talks About

When you become a parent, everyone prepares you for sleepless nights, feeding schedules, and diaper changes. But few prepare you for the identity earthquake that shakes beneath the surface.

Motherhood isn’t just a role you step into. It’s a transformation of the self.

There’s actually a word for this process: matrescence.

Much like adolescence, it’s a phase of profound physical, emotional, and psychological change. But because it’s not widely understood, many mothers silently wonder: Am I the only one who feels this way?

Spoiler: you’re not.

What Is Matrescence?

Coined by anthropologist Dana Raphael, matrescence describes the developmental transition women go through when becoming mothers. It’s the push-and-pull between who you used to be and who you’re becoming.

This is why so many women report feelings of grief, confusion, or even guilt in those early months and years. It’s not that you don’t love your child. It’s that you’re navigating the delicate dance of holding onto your identity while letting it evolve.

a mom holding her baby and looking in the mirros, sad and not recognizing herself

Why This Matters

Ignoring matrescence has consequences. Without acknowledging this identity shift:

Moms may internalize shame or think they’re “not good enough.”
Relationships suffer when partners don’t understand what’s happening.
Families lose out on the chance to model healthy identity growth for their children.

When we name the process, though, something shifts. Instead of being “broken,” mothers begin to see themselves as becoming.

Practical Pathways to Navigate Matrescence

So, how do you walk this path with more grace and less guilt?

Name it: Simply knowing the word matrescence can normalize your feelings.
Map your identity: Journal about who you were before, who you are now, and who you’re becoming.
Communicate with your partner: Share what this transition feels like so they can witness (not fix) you.
Allow both/and: You can love your child and grieve your old freedoms. Holding both truths is part of the process.

Why This Matters for Parenthood & Kids

Children thrive when parents are rooted in their own identity. By honoring your transformation instead of suppressing it, you model resilience, authenticity, and growth. In other words, making peace with matrescence isn’t just good for you. It’s a gift to your child.

Ready to Explore This More?

If this resonates, I invite you to download my [FREE] Mini-Course on Matrescence and join my newsletter, The Sunday Reconnect. It’s designed to give you exclusive, bite-sized tools and reflections that strengthen both your partnership and your parenting journey.